Friday, January 07, 2005

Grocery Store of Horrors:Part Two

I met Ignoramus Number Two when I rolled into the check-out line.

The cashier there, a very nice young woman, knows me and we always chat when she rings up my groceries.

She had finished scanning my items when a big, ugly guy appeared. He set his soda down on the counter and pushed his cart into me. Hard.

"Hey, Ace, watch it with the cart, okay?"

He glared at me and said, "You bettah watch yo mouth or I'll make ya watch it."

"No you won't. You'll do your business and keep quiet. And don't ram your shopping cart into me or anybody else. That's not cool, Ace."

"Ya bettah just shut yo face. Ya'll don't even know who I am."

"Yeah, well you don't know who I am, either."

"Yeah? Watchoo gonna come at me wif, a 357-Magnum?"

By this time a small group had gathered. They were smiling and enjoying the whole thing.

I walked up to him and when I did, the check-out lady bagged my groceries and dumped them into my shopping cart.

"I don't need a gun, Ace, I have a brain."

"Yeah, well if ya gotta brain then use it."

"I do...and you should use some courtesy...that's what a REAL man would do."

Then I turned around and went back to the shopping cart. The check-out lady winked at me and smiled.

I didn't understand that wink until I got home.

When I unpacked my groceries I pulled out Ignoramus Number Two's bottle of soda.

I checked the receipt. She didn't charge me for it.

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