Tuesday, August 29, 2006

This Won't Hurt A Bit!


I went to see the doctor yesterday. And there is one thing that I've decided about physicians: No matter what their particular specialty is, they all either want to take something out of you or put something in!

And either way, it always involves a needle and PAIN!

Yeah.

When the doctor waltzed in to the examination room, he grabbed my hand, shook it, introduced himself and sailed onto the waiting stool. Without missing a beat. All his moves were perfectly choreographed.

Hmmm.

Then he proceeded to check-out my foot and finally decided to give me an injection of something that will remain nameless.

I told him that would be fine.

After all, this guy has a poster on the wall detailing all of the ins-and-outs of the average foot that includes all kinds of impressive medical terminology.

I looked at that when I first limped in and said: "Yup, he's my guy."

But when he came at me with that needle, I began to have second thoughts.

The freaking needle was HUGE!!!

Damn, Campers...with the exception of the antibiotic injections that I got when I became sick with pneumonia one time...I haven't seen a hypo that BIG in YEARS!

And when he came at me with that mega-syringe, I scrambled back on the exam table and said: "Whoa, NO!!! You're not putting that thing in me!!!!"

He looked at me like I was the Coward of the County [which would have suited me just fine at that point]and held up an odd-looking can.

"This will numb your foot and you won't feel a thing" he said.

"Yes, I will...that's what you doctors always say before you start inflicting major agony" I answered and held on to my foot.

"Oh, just give it a chance...I've done ten of these already today" he explained.

"Great, you're a serial-killer trying to kill all of your patients" I thought to myself.

Finally, I reluctantly held out my left leg and he sprayed some cold, numbing agent out of the can onto my foot.

AND THEN HE STUCK THE NEEDLE IN!!!!

OWWWWWWWWWWWWW AHHHHHHH!!!!!

The needle was not only *sharp*, it was looooong, too!

And the spray can did no damn good.

When he was done, he put a band aid on and smiled at me.

I glared back at him and rubbed my foot.

He laughed.

And made me another appointment.

My foot now has a lovely purple bruise on it.

#%^+!# DOCTOR!!!!!

4 comments:

Ryan said...

Ha! Good thing I wasn't drinking anything while reading this or I'd have a mess to clean up!

Ruthie In The Sky said...

Ohhh Ryan, and it isn't over yet!

Dr. Poke-EE-Man has penciled me in for another appointment in a couple of weeks.

The sadistic syringe master wants another go at me.

Do you think that I should drink something before I go into his office again?

Thanks for your comment, Ryan. :)

Ryan said...

Well, drinking something may calm the nerves. Then again, you're comments may get more nervy and lord knows you don't need any more help in that department.

Ruthie In The Sky said...

LOL! Ya think?

If I walked the way I write, I'd be a marathon runner!