Saturday, May 15, 2010

Destiny And Dan Brown

In the small window of time that I had at the Longview, Washington library yesterday...I was able to read a kind comment. And it is attached to a post that I made in December 2006.

The Post


The comment is: "Thank you so much for your kind words for Danny Brown. I am his mother's oldest sister. You have a very good heart and he will really be missed. Thank you."

Today, after I read it again, I laughed.

Because:

I left that horrible nightmare known as southern Washington State yesterday and was picked up by a guy in Rainier, Oregon. He brought me to the small city of St. Helens, Oregon. Because he was on his way to work, we had to make a quick decision as to where to leave me.

We finally settled on a church doorway (deja vu) and after he flipped me two chicken-salad sandwiches, he drove away. I sat down on the porch, under the single light, munched the sandwiches and made friends with a neighborhood cat.

A guy and his daughter pulled into the parking lot. They were there to clean the church.

They gave me two cups of coffee and some chocolate rolls.

After they finished cleaning, they put me in an old van in the parking lot with a sleeping bag. I stayed there all night.

This morning, the guy came back and started closing doors that I thought he was going to open for me.

Finally, when I got to the church that the local cop (when I called to talk to him) told me to check out...that man and I parted company. Forever.

He was determined to send me back down to Portland. And I know that is a bad idea.

(I can just see my friend Marissa shaking her head)

And then he said "You just can't be homeless on the weekend."

I knew that he was trying to talk me into returning to Portland. Which, no matter what he said, is a very bad idea.

I told him so.

So, I met with the next set of so-called "Christian Saints" and they were even worse. Why?

Because they don't trust me.

There are alternatives that they could have explored but they didn't feel like I could be trusted.

So I left their fine clothes, polished building and pretty landscaping...and walked back down to the main road.

I got picked up by a couple who have three cute little dogs. They bought me a Coke zero, gave me ten bucks and will drive me to another part of Oregon soon.

I'm here at the library in Scappoose, Oregon and they are coming back soon. They are at a funeral.

There is no guarantee that I won't be sitting in the sand by the ocean tonight.

When the couple told me that they had to go to a funeral, I thought about Dan Brown.

And about the kind comment that his aunt sent to me.

She doesn't know me personally but she recognized the status of my heart through the words that I wrote.

And yet, a group of would-be "Christians" never identified me or empathized with my situation when I was sitting right in front of them.

What does that mean?

I believe that Dan Brown's family represents what good people should be.

We all have a temporary time here. And how we represent God and treat each other makes a postive or a negative impact on our own karma. We are handed opportunities, we make a choice between them, leave our mark and then move on.

Young Dan Brown embraced his life with open arms.

I admire that.

He has passed on.
I am still here.

I believe that I deserve to be among people who care about me and trust me. I should be appreciated for my writing, drawing, singing and for my "very good heart." I should be respected for being exactly who I am and loved because I am a child of God.

That didn't happen when I talked with the Christians today. It should have.

But in the midst of the sadness in Tennessee and disappointment in Oregon...Dan Brown's family and I will keep the faith.

Because despite what has happened in each of our lives, we know that God will stay with us. He remembers His own. No matter what. That will always be.

I don't know if I will find a bed to sleep in tonight. Dan's family will have to resume their lives without him here.

But God will remain steadfast. And that is how I know that we will all be okay.

Here are the lyrics to a song that was recorded years ago by the singer Phil Collins. I would like to dedicate them to Dan Brown:

"We said goodbye to a dear old friend
And we packed our bags and left feeling sad
It's the only way
We said hello as we turned the key
A new roof over our heads
Gave a smile
It's the only way
Only way

Turn your head
And don't look back
Set your sails for a new horizon
Don't turn around don't look down
Oh there's life across the tracks
And you know it's really not surprising
It gets better when you get there

Well it really don't matter much where you are
Cuz home is in your heart
It's a feeling that you wake with one day
Some people keep running all their life
And still find they haven't gone too far
They don't see it's the feeling inside - the feeling inside

Turn your head and don't look back
Just set your sails for a new horizon
Don't turn around don't look down
Oh there's life across the tracks
And you know it's really not surprising
It gets better when you get there

We said hello as we turned the key
A new roof over our heads
Gave a smile - it's the only way"

I'll meet you when I get there, Dan. Bless you. Amen.

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