Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Charlie Sheen And Something To Say

Charlie Sheen: "This Is A Chaotic And Random Event."

Ruthie Rader: "You're Still Not Funny, Charlie."


It's Alive!

I was sifting through the wire stories about Charlie "Go-Sit-In-The-Korner" Sheen and came across the article above. As I was reading it, I zeroed-in on one sentence:

"Among the movie clips Sheen used in the montage was...Gene Wilder screaming “It’s alive!” from “The Bride of Frankenstein.”

I must have watched a different version because I never saw Gene Wilder anywhere in Sheen's latest rant. Imagine that. Blink.

But as I listened to "I'm-Not-Gonna-Just-Shrug-It-Off" Sheen, I was reminded of something that I used to do in college.

Back in the "OLD DAYS", students actually had to attend class in a building on campus. Now, of course, many people earn their Degree credits, online.

But back then, I had to slog through the snow to make it to my first class at the ungodly hour of eight o'clock in the morning.

One of my professors was supposed to teach us how to become actors. I am convinced that he had the wrong job.

Every time he opened up his pompous pie hole, nothing but BORING fell out. In fact, one of our (unknown to him) favorite lines about him was: "Do Beer, but DON'T do Shakespeare, here."

One day, as he was explaining something about "character identification", I started mumbling a speech that I had memorized for no particular reason. It is a chunk of nonsense from the movie, "Head." That movie, which never really went anywhere, starred a so-called "band" called "The Monkees." And it also had something to do with Jack Nicholson. Although, now, I don't know if Nicholson would want to own up to it.

Anyway, as the professor droned-on, I started mumbling the "Head" words under my breath. Pretty soon, people around me started to giggle.

It wasn't so much the words that I said, but the way that I delivered them. After a few minutes, the professor stopped talking and looked straight at me. I smiled, with my chin in my hand, and looked straight back.

"Do you have something to say?" he asked.

"Until the day that I die, Sir" I replied.

The entire class broke up laughing.

It's alright to string grandiose phrases together, Charlie...but when YOU do, it comes across like a little kid trying to walk in his Daddy's shoes. It's not a good fit.

Here is the speech that I memorized from that movie script:

"We were speaking of belief; beliefs and conditioning. All belief possibly could be said to be the result of some conditioning. Thus, the study of history is simply the study of one system of beliefs deposing another, and so on and so on and so on... A psychologically tested belief of our time is that the central nervous system, which feeds it's impulses directly to the brain, the conscious and subconscious, is unable to discern between the real, and the vividly imagined experience. If there is a difference, and most of us believe there is - am I being clear? For to examine these concepts requires tremendous energy and discipline. To allow the unknown to occur and to occur, requires clarity. And where there is clarity there is no choice. And where there is choice, there is misery. But then, why should anyone listen to me? Why should I speak, since I know nothing?"

Priceless. I suggest that you memorize the "Head" words. Then the next time that someone starts to "blah, blah, blah" in your face, just nod and run the words through your mind.

It'll work like magic. Even when you're supposed to be listening to Charlie "I-Even-Talk-To-My-Machete" Sheen.

Two Songs For Charlie:

No comments: