Sunday, April 03, 2011

Charlie Cat Ate Crow In Detroit

[As the showed bogged down, an audience member booed, prompting Sheen to reply, "I've already got your money, dude."--Associated Press]



I told you that he isn't funny...


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TMZ: Charlie Needs Security And A Diaper Change

TMZ: Look Out, Chicago!

Us Magazine: More Details About The Detroit "Show"

Guardian (UK): Not Just One Train--But The Whole Rail Yard!

E!Online: From Boos To The Back Door

Hollywood Reporter's Scathing Review
Hollywood Reporter: "You Suck!"
Hollywood Reporter: The Twitter Reaction

AP: Charlie Sheen: Kitty-Kat Crapola

Detroit Free Press: Charlie Sheen Crashed

Gather: A Total Disaster In Detroit
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How many of you saw it coming?

Pardon me, while I lick my chops here...but I told y'all that "Charlie Sheen is a P.T. Barnum in a circus full of trash talk."

Now you know I'm right.

Trust me on this: If Charlie Sheen would have delivered a stellar performance, the Freep (Detroit Free Press) would have reported it.

He didn't. Charlie Sheen sucked and then blew his own show.

As someone who is familiar with that City (and the State), I can honestly tell you that the people in Detroit are the most warm-hearted, but discerning, people that you'll ever deal with.

And Charlie Sheen, with no idea what he was doing, ran right straight into them.

Detroiters are tough. They don't take prisoners. They're hard-nosed and hard working people who are willing to give anyone a chance to prove himself. They recognize a dollar for what it's worth and expect to get what they pay for.

After a whooolllleee lot of BIG TALKING...Charlie Sheen sank 30 minutes after he jumped into the tank.

:P THBZZzzt!

He elicited boos from the crowd, and now some of the people who attended his so-called "Show"...want their money back.

BAAAAAhahahahahahhahahaha!!

Charlie ranted on, weeks ago, about the importance of "planning" in order to be "winning."

Well, it's obvious that he didn't follow his own advice. Now he's nothing but a first-class IDIOT.

And I know what went wrong, CHARLIE: You only did this gig to feed your own screwed-up ego. You seem to think that just because you are rich and the king of twitter, that fans' fascination with you will last forever.

Nope. You of all people should know better, Chuckie Sleeze. It only works that way as long as you continue to feed the machine. And if you don't feed it...we don't need it.

Those are pretty high-priced tickets you're selling. And perhaps 60,70,80 bucks or more doesn't mean much on Mulholland Drive. But if you ask for that down at the Fox Theatre...by golly, you better have something worthwhile to give back in return.

All I can say at this point is: Live And Learn Or Crash And Burn, Kami Tora. And when the production doesn't match your seduction, that paper will burn very fast. If you can't match your roar, Paper Tiger, then you'll be kicked out the door.

It won't matter how many Snoopy Doggs you take with you. The outcome will be the same.

Now I know why you aren't coming to Montana. If you flat line up here, the cowboys will haul you out into the street and kick your ass.

You don't have the guts to open up here. People in this mountain country expect TALENT. That's why Elton John is performing in Billings, Montana on April 13. People will be HAPPY to see HIM.

While you were dragging-out your disaster in Detroit last night, Sir Elton was doing a great job entertaining the Nation on "Saturday Night Live."

He acted in skits (including the cowboy one, which was a hoot!) and performed songs that set the whole audience rocking. And who did HE have with him?

Well, he had Jake Gyllenhall, Leon Russell and Tom Hanks.

Who do YOU have?

I thoroughly enjoyed the SNL show and I'm glad that I didn't waste my time (or money) on your "Tipping Torpedoes" flop last night.

So, that's one down...and over twenty more appearances to go. Good Luck, pussycat. Judging by your opening night, you, Charlie Shyster, are going to need it.

Oh, and for the record: Last night's farce was NOT "an experiment" (as dubbed by Team Sheen)...it was an outright RIPOFF! Call it as it is, Mr. Big Talk, or YOU STFU!

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