Yes, my readers, I spent the night before last in jail.
And this is how it all went down:
First, I was put in a sort of New York City-style "paddy wagon." It was all steel with bright, LED lights, a camera, a speaker and air-conditioning.
I sat on the steel bench with my hands cuffed behind my back as a large, padded bar came down and locked me into place.
I was driven to the jail, and whenever the wagon braked, the handcuffs dug into my wrists.
I was very glad to get out of that vehicle.
My shoes, clothes, ring, hair clips and backpack were taken from me. The jailers also took my picture.
Then I was finger-printed, re-dressed in a drab, olive green jumpsuit and issued a pair of bright, neon-orange, rubber sandals.
I was patted-down several times during the entire booking process and even my mouth was checked.
Finally, I was taken to what the jailers refer to as "The Back."
"The Back" is actually a very large area with sets of cells that are divided up in various ways. In the middle of the various levels of cell-sets is a round, raised guard station.
The station is equipped with a large sort of computer screen, phones, etc. that proved interesting to watch. I was put in a corner cell on the second level and got a great eyeview of the guard station.
My cell was private, built for one person and I never shared it with anyone else. It was equipped with a steel bunk with a vinyl mat and pillow combination on it, a steel toilet, a steel sink, toilet paper, a steel shelf with three hooks and a wide window.
I was given two sheets, a thin blanket and a plastic package of hygiene products.
For the first part of the day, I divided my time between dozing in my "bed" and watching a raised television set in a larger "dorm" cell. I was fed lunch, which consisted of baloney and cheese sandwiches, chips, cole slaw, lettuce salad and cake.
I was never given a cup of anything that contained caffeine.
Large walls of thick glass let sunshine into the facility as inmates showered, conversed and slept.
Finally, a group of us were rounded-up and herded down a hallway to a small waiting room. It was time to see the Judge.