Thursday, December 04, 2014
When Clampetts Drink Coffee
-ALL PHOTOS/EDITS BY RUTH RADER-
When Clampetts drink coffee, they go find a coffee stand in a local store.
Here in Hood River, that store is never far away. The Starbucks outlet in Safeway
is one of my favorite haunts. I go there because I am a Clampett...complete with
a backpack and no permanent address.
It all starts at dawn...when truckers, moms with kids on their way to
work and daycare, good ol' boys and homies like me...trudge through
We arrive in various stages of "Wha?" with glazed slits for eyes
and a desperate vibe that silently screams, "GIVE ME SOME OF THAT HOT
COFFEE RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!"
Yeah, we all stand there in line, like junkies on a street corner, waiting for the dope
dealer to give us a fix.
And what a fix it is!
We all sit down in the table-and-chair section by the Deli department and take that
Yes, somewhere between the prosciutto and the displaced Christmas stock...a group of customers
quietly climb the rungs to Caffeine Nirvana...every day.
We are all Clampetts, in one way or another...with our scuffed boots, flyaway hair and company logos on our jackets.
This city tries to pass itself off as an upscale playground every Summer. But it doesn't fool
me. Throughout the winter months, I see the real Hood River, every day. Here.
And in this time of murder and disease and civil unrest...I would like to remind you that there
is still somewhere that you can go to get away from everything. And when you leave, you will
still be legal to drive.
Come on in...doors open at 5am...and re-discover what it's like to take nothing seriously...
except what you're drinking.
Thank you, Ladies.